Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
