I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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