You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My ass is underappreciated
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
