I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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