batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
