he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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