im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
