i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
