If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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