Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
