your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
