i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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