i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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