Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
