thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
