I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
