can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
