Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
