I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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