WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
