Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
