take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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