Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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