I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
