Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
