i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
