I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
