I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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