Im at strip club and am horny
I'm jealous of your bromance
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish you could order shots online.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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