So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
