Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
