The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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