I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
