So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
