Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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