Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
