I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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