at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
