How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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