dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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