omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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