Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
