ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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