Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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