R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
