perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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