the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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