Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
