My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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