You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
