if i can run in heels then i can drive
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
