Soap is not a condiment
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
