Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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