After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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